


not all who wander are lost: The "not all that glitters is gold" Remix

by Leahelisabeth (fortheloveofcamelot)



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, M/M, Magical Realism, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-24 21:01:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14962103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortheloveofcamelot/pseuds/Leahelisabeth
Summary: Renee doesn't remember how many she's killed. There is a record, row upon row of handwritten journals with names and descriptions. Sometimes she wishes she could let go of the burden as easily as she's shed the memories. She wonders how she can possibly atone for all the blood she's shed when she can no longer recall their facesNeil isn't the only one who would give up everything to save Andrew.





	not all who wander are lost: The "not all that glitters is gold" Remix

**Author's Note:**

  * For [defractum (nyargles)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyargles/gifts).
  * Inspired by [not all that glitters is gold](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13135143) by [defractum (nyargles)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyargles/pseuds/defractum). 



Renee doesn't remember how many she's killed. There is a record, row upon row of handwritten journals with names and descriptions. Sometimes she wishes she could let go of the burden as easily as she's shed the memories. She wonders how she can possibly atone for all the blood she's shed when she can no longer recall their faces. 

The phone rings and a familiar scarred face looks up from the display. She smiles and answers on the second ring.

“Neil!” She smiles widely as she speaks to project warmth into her tone. Neil does not phone often.

“Hi,” he replies. There is an odd note in his voice that Renee can’t quite place but she holds onto the hope that her friend has called just to chat. 

“Did you need something?” she asks, keeping the smile firmly in place as if Neil can hear it over the phone. She hears a shaky breath, then a second. The smile fades from her face.

“It’s Andrew. He’s been taken.”

Renee closes her eyes and it’s her turn to breathe as her heart clenches painfully in her chest. “What do you need?” she asks calmly.

“I need your knives,” Neil replies quickly, too quickly.

“You’ve got them. And?” She looks down and she is crossing her fingers, a throwback to the happy part of her childhood that she hardly remembers.

Neil sighs. “And I need to borrow your power.”

“Okay,” she says. And she doesn’t really need to think about it. Neil has grown more dear to her the longer she's known him and Andrew...she wouldn’t be here at all without Andrew.

“Only a little bit,” Neil says.

And Renee could reply that it doesn’t work like that, that unlike his power, the amount of memory she erases is not always the amount she loses. She’s erased years of someone’s life and lost nothing but a trip to the grocery store, only to realize she’s completely forgotten her entire first year of high school after erasing the last 30 seconds from a security guard that caught her shoplifting.

But she has already decided she’s going to do it because losing a memory, any memory, could never hurt as much as losing Andrew.

Renee hangs up the phone without saying goodbye. She reaches for her latest notebook sitting in the knitting bag beside the couch and jots down the details of her phone call. She changes methodically, carefully hanging her bright orange, glittery sundress in the closet to wear again on a happier day, rummaging to the back to find her one black suit, strapping on her knives, even though she knows they aren’t the weapon that will save them, pulling on her long black gloves, carefully smoothing the fabric down every finger. Almost as an afterthought, she picks up her spare pair. She knows she'll need it. 

“They’ll take too long to get off,” Neil nods at her gloves when she gets into the car. She extends her hand and shows him how they work, the tiny, imperceptible slits in the fingertips that will allow her to get close to a target and touch him before he even suspects she isn’t safe.

The look on Neil’s face is impressed and she pulls the spare pair from her purse. “I brought you a pair.” And she holds them out to him. She knows that like her, Neil is steeling himself to do his worst. Neil doesn’t hesitate. He changes his gloves and they lapse into silence for the ride. She catches Dan’s eyes a few times in the rearview mirror but words feel too heavy at a time like this. They both know she’ll be coming back with Andrew or she won’t be coming back at all.

Neil had been fiddling with something, keeping it from her view. She sees his eyes flash red and he hunches over for a long moment. Something suspiciously bloody now sits in a paper bag at his feet. 

Dan lets them out at the bottom of the driveway. There is no need to conceal her there. Riko knows what they want. This is not a stealth mission.

They’re searched. The guards take her knives. They’re the last little bit of her past that she can’t let go but it’s easier than she thought to watch them leave her hands.

Finally, Neil and Renee are escorted before Riko. She was trained to keep her eyes on the biggest threat in the room but she can’t look away from Andrew. She knew he would be beaten but she forces herself to remain detached as she sees every bruise from the swollen, blackened eye to the dark purple patch on his jawline to the bleeding cheek.

She is so focused on Andrew, it takes her a moment to realize that Neil and Riko have begun negotiations. Riko stretches his mouth in a predator’s parody of a smile. Renee imagines him rubbing his hands together in glee like some cartoon villain.

“Did he even see the betrayal coming?” Riko asked, eyes glued to the dripping bag in Neil’s hand. He reaches out to take the bag but Neil won’t relinquish it. Instead, he opens the top of the bag so Riko can peer inside. Renee can’t see from her vantage point but Riko lets out a sharp bark of laughter and nods to the guards on either side of Andrew.

They are not gentle when they remove Andrew’s cuffs and Renee catches herself watching his face again as he can’t quite hide the wince of pain as rough metal separates from chafed and bleeding wrists. Andrew stands and makes an aborted movement toward Neil before staggering a little and walking over to Renee. He doesn’t collapse into her arms but he also isn’t making much of an effort to support his own weight. Renee is still alert and watchful but she can feel tense muscles in her neck and shoulders releasing at the relief of Andrew’s presence at her shoulder, comfortably familiar from long years of friendship.

Riko takes the bag from Neil and, without ceremony, dumps the contents onto his desk. Renee had had her suspicions about the contents but that had not prepared her for Kevin’s severed head, eyes open and staring, neck butchered carelessly, old and already rotting blood staining the polished mahogany. “See how easy it is to get your little boyfriend to do something for me?”

Andrew tenses for just a moment, muscles bulging to charge at Riko, but then he relaxes into Renee’s shoulder again. Renee marvels, not for the first time, at what it means that Andrew has someone like Neil who he trusts so much. 

There is a stunned silence. It’s what Neil was waiting for. He lunges for Riko’s neck while everyone else stares at the ruin of Kevin. Renee does not pause to see what Neil does. She waits a beat to make sure Neil is finished and then she is already reaching for the guards and bringing her power to her fingertips.

Andrew is on her heels, despite his pain, ripping his gloves off and gripping the guard’s faces with his bare hands. “You’re really hungry. All you want is a snack, right the fuck now.”

The guards’ eyes glaze over. One of them frowns down at his suddenly growling stomach. They both leave quickly, the other presences in the room suddenly of much less importance than this overwhelming hunger.

Renee shadows them to the door, willing them to move faster. She closes it and twists the lock. Neil screams as the blowback hits him. Andrew clutches his stomach, looking faintly green as a wave of hunger hits him. But Renee doesn't feel it leaving her. She knows she will return to her worn notebooks and there will be yet another page unmarked with red that is irretrievable. But it's worth it to see Andrew and Neil, shaking palms pressed together, reassuring each other of their presence. She smiles fondly for a moment and then her stomach climbs into her throat and for the first time in her life, the hole in her memory is big enough, catastrophic enough for her to see the jagged edges. 

She doesn't let it show on her face. She returns home, keeping her smile firmly in place until she parts ways with Neil and Andrew. She undresses slowly and replaces her practical outfit with the softest and most vibrant pieces of her wardrobe. She sits down in her chair first. She pulls out her latest notebook and writes, in greater detail than usual, the events of the evening. She keeps going back to add more, the light on Andrew’s hair, the look on Riko’s face as Neil’s magic touched him, the smell of Kevin’s faux severed head, putting off the inevitable. Pages later, she knows she can’t put it off any longer. She puts the notebook back in her knitting bag and walks into her bedroom.

She looks at the small stack of notebooks sitting on her nightstand and picks up the top volume. She traces the letters on the cover, ‘Andrew,’ it says. She flips through the pages, not a single red mark to be found. 

She goes back to the first page and reads the very first paragraph. 

“Target: Andrew Minyard  
Description: 18, blond hair, muscular, 5’ tall  
Mission status incomplete. 

I tried to kill a boy today. He told me I didn't have to do this, that I could change my life if I held on to hope. And somehow, for the first time in my life, I believe it. I can change. I can be someone else." 

Tears flood Renee's eyes. She can't see. Her hand shakes as she reaches for her red pen.


End file.
